she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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