Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
