how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
