My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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