Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
