I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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