I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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