i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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