Just cropdusted the office
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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