it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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