did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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