I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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