she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
