Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
