you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
