90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
