At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
