Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
