woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
