she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
