ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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