It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
