I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
