To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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