You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
