I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
