Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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