The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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