I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
