We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
