So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
