you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
