I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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