remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
