ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
two words: eviction party
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
