We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
