highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
