Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
