why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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