Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
