What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
