Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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