it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
