Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
