So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
