alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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