She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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