when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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