how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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