We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
