Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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