I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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