just tell him i said nine months
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm both gender and math confused
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
