I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
